Postpartum Self Esteem 

NINE months after giving birth, I’m finally pulling out my pre maternity clothes. It’s nice, for one thing it’s like getting this whole new wardrobe all at once.  I packed up my clothes over a year ago and I can’t believe how many things I’ve forgotten.  Such as my skirt obsession. I mean, I knew I loved skirts because that hasn’t changed, but I forgot how many skirts I actually own!  I don’t think I’ll be dreading getting dressed on Sunday’s for much longer. When pregnant and for the last 9 months, I’ve been wearing about three different skirts. That was an increase from two during pregnancy. 

I also forgot how much color there was in my wardrobe! When it comes to maternity clothes there aren’t a lot of options. Most of my clothes were black, grey, and maroon. I had a few pink or blue things but not a lot. I also didn’t realize how long I’d stay in maternity clothes so I didn’t allow myself to buy too much, which means I bought most of them between December-February and apparently those colors were the rave at the time. 

I feel like a human again.  I don’t think I realized how different I’ve been feeling and I guess I thought the postpartum body must have been how I used to look but I’ve been shedding weight since November and nothing made me feel as good about my progress quite like getting my old clothes out of storage and finding they fit (most of them at least – I still have a few lbs to go). 

Then there’s running. I ran an 8k in November and it was brutal! Training was difficult, the race was a beast, and I thought, “I don’t think running is for me anymore.”  When I finished the race I felt a lot more like I’d run 13.1 miles rather than 5. What I had forgotten was how hard it was to run when I first started running as an overweight twenty-something. When I started training this past October, I weighed the most I ever had so it makes sense in retrospect why running was so hard. Now that I’m 30-40 lbs lighter, running is a lot more like it used to be and I don’t dread it nearly as much.

I feel like I need to document this stuff so I remember with the next pregnancy how hard it is to be yourself again. You go on this long hiatus from the person you were and you forget some things, you don’t notice some changes until you’re coming out of them.  You recognize you weren’t yourself until you feel old self returning.

Or maybe that’s just how it was for me and it’s different for other people. 


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