I’ve been in a bad mood lately. I don’t really know when it began but I can tell you when I decided to make it end. I was hanging out with a friend, we’ll call her Kate, on Friday and she asked me if I needed help with the kids. There was something about the way she asked, her question having some pity/concern or something in it and it struck me that I haven’t been my best self lately.
I used to roll my eyes at things like, “happiness is a choice”, but really folks, it is and I’ve known that for quite some time (ps- I’m not naive though to the very real fact of depression and that is not something you just will away – but you can choose to seek help). A few years back one of my goals had been to leave people better than I found them and I found that because of that I was a better person. I think I’m going to institute that in my life again because my bad attitude hasn’t been leaving people better than I found them. And when I focus so much on complaining or fault finding with people and places in my life, it filters the way I see things and then I get sucked further into that mood.
So that was Friday when I decided to get over whatever it is I’ve been allowing to control my mood for months. Yesterday was great, not a whole lot happened but I was in a better mood, I was a better mom too.
Today church was amazing and it’s been a long time since I’ve thought that. It’s been good or okay. But today I got so much out of church and when I looked at the people around me I found good, complimentary thoughts popping up (honest second here – lately I’ve had mean thoughts pop into my mind). I’ve resisted liking my new ward and it wasn’t hard to resist it-it’s very different than my old ward. Much louder, less organized and such. But today I was just overcome with the feeling that I was surrounded by really amazing people. In Young Women’s (have I mentioned I’ve been called to serve in YW again?) the girls are incredible, they participate A LOT and what they know and what they have to say was just amazing–I was just impressed with each and every comment they made.
I’m so fortunate and for months I’ve been blind to that, or resisting it and I didn’t realize I was doing that or the effect it was having on me. I haven’t been taking the time to practice gratitude. Not just listing my blessings but to see the world around me in a better way.
Last week I taught on gratitude, and I gave the girls each a notebook and told them how President Eyring had shared how he looked for the hand of the Lord in his life (or his family’s life) each and every day. So I challenged them to look for the hand of the Lord in their life each day – and since I don’t issue challenges I’m not willing to do myself, I’ve been keeping my own notebook and at the end of every day I take a few minutes to ponder how the Lord has blessed me that day. It’s super hard but I’ve done this before so I know from experience that it gets easier. And I can feel my attitude improving. If you haven’t guessed, Kate was my mention for Friday because I needed that question to push me out of my rut.
Anyway – just wanted to say that and don’t know how to end the post so this paragraph will do that for me. I’ll post about Halloween and this weekend in a separate post.